“The past is behind, learn from it. The future is ahead, prepare for it. The present is here, live it”. ~ Thomas. S. Monsoon

I am a strong believer in the notion that your past doesn’t define you and I would prefer that the past remains right where it is. When we decide to move on from our past relationships, it means we are trying to close an old chapter of our lives, learn the lessons, cherish the experiences, and move on.

A friend of mine started seeing this new guy and they seemed quite happy. She said that she wanted to tell him about her past because she dated one of his friends in the past before she had even met him. When she told the guy, he ended their relationship and said that he couldn’t date a girl that had been with one of his boys. “It’s against the bro code,” he said. Sis was devastated. She hadn’t even known that the two guys were friends at the time when she had that past fling. Would I have told him that I dated his friend?! No, I would never do that. Maybe that’s toxic on my part, but it’s like self sabotage if you ask me.

There’s a saying that what you don’t know can’t hurt you, because sometimes there are parts of our past that can cause pain to our partner. Is keeping your past from your partner lying? I don’t think so. You simply decided to keep some things to yourself and I think that you are entitled to that.

It’s easy to judge people based on their past even when they have changed for the better. I was discussing this topic with a couple of friends and one of them told me that sharing your past with your partner can lead to future friction for you as a couple.

As much as we believe that by becoming a couple we are one, I think that, as a human being, it’s okay to want to keep some things to yourself. A relationship is made up of two individuals and it’s important to remember your own individuality and not base your entire identity on the relationship. Your partner doesn’t necessarily have to know everything about your past. It’s more important to focus on the present and build something that is unique to your relationship. Of course there are things that you should definitely disclose to your partner – such as letting your partner know if you have children or if you’ve been married before.

I want to end by stressing that this is MY personal opinion but everyone is different! If you feel that you would rather disclose everything about your past to your partner, then that’s okay too! There is no correct way to do a relationship. We learn and adapt according to our personal preferences and experiences. If you both agree to look past each other’s mistakes and that you will not use the past against each other in your relationship, then go right ahead. However, if there is a past version of yourself that you’re not proud of and would rather never talk about again, then I would keep it a secret.

Related Topics: Telling my partner about my past, Is not telling my partner about my past lying?