Peach and Flora,

I am a 29 year old woman, engaged and worried! 

I am extremely worried because my wedding is set for August later this year and I don’t feel the spark anymore with my fiance. He tells people he’s into me and can’t wait to be my husband but I don’t get the same vibe. In the beginning of our relationship, we frequently went out on dates, we had sex often, we overly checked up on each other during the day, we did small cute things together, took walks in the park and so on. All this is gone! I feel like I am not amazed by my fiance anymore. I am not sure we will stand the test of time. Should I call the wedding off? 

Thanks,

Sherrin

Dear Sherrin,

Thank you for reaching out. Before I go any further, allow me to say your feelings are totally valid and it’s okay to feel that way regardless of what everyone else around you might say.

From my personal experience, one of the greatest reasons the spark in a relationship dies is familiarity. When we spend a lot of time with people, we end up getting too comfortable and we stop trying. Personally, I used to dress up and wear makeup for the simplest dinner dates and movie nights but, once we started living together, that didn’t happen anymore. I just didn’t have it in me to try anymore since this man was sleeping in my bed every night and I knew that I had him.

Equally, the flowers stopped coming and a lot changed – no more dinner dates ,dirty notes and less intimacy between us. This is when I realized we were drifting.The thought of my man coming home didn’t excite me anymore.

Sherin, you have an amazing gift of being self aware and honest about your feelings which is a beautiful thing but, before you think of calling off the wedding, take time off to re-evaluate what you want from the relationship. Create talking points to share how you feel with your fiance. Tell him how you want to be loved. If necessary, take time off for yourself if you are living together –  personal space might help you get the clarity you need.

You can also take the initiative to organize a date night or a baecation where you both can spend quality time with each other to rekindle the dying flame. Spice up the sex! You could get out that lingerie or try something new and spontaneous.

On the other hand, it could just be cold feet. Sometimes, the idea of spending the rest of your life with someone can be as frightening as it is exciting. Allow yourself to go through all your feelings and unpack everything that might hold you back. Remember that you are responsible for your happiness. We outgrow people and relationships and that’s okay too. I hope you choose what’s best for you and it works out in your favor.

Regards

Related Topics:Cold Feet Before The Wedding, How To Restore Intimacy