They say that experience is the best teacher but, when it comes to the realm of intimacy, there’s no harm in a little pre-education. Sex is a deeply personal journey, one that often carries a multitude of emotions, expectations, and surprises. Looking back, there are a few crucial lessons I wish I had known before embarking on this intimate adventure. In this article, I’m going to share my personal insights into the 5 things I wish I knew before having sex in the hope that it may resonate with those who are on the brink of their own explorations.

1. It’s okay to get messy and loud!

To be honest, I think the messier the sex, the better. I know we all watched some porn when we were younger and I actually thought that that’s how it was supposed to go but, boy, was I wrong. No sweating, the room is organized to the letter and don’t get me started on the fake moaning! My first experience was crazy. There were clothes all over the place, sweat from my partner and I everywhere and don’t get me started on the “little accidents” if you know what I mean. I kept thinking to myself why didn’t they ever show this part? Is it supposed to get this loud and messy and why am I speaking with an accent? I think I would have been a little less in my head and enjoyed the moment more if I didn’t have movie scenes stuck in my mind. P.s It’s not like the movies sis… let loose and enjoy yourself and you don’t have to call him “daddy” if you don’t want to!

2. Expect the unexpected.

I am not saying not to have expectations or anything, no… I am saying that you should have manageable expectations. I know when you start talking to people they will hit you with lines like “I wanna put you in 7 positions for 70 minutes baby”. All I can say is believe it when you see it. I remember a guy once told me that, after sleeping with him, I would need a wheelchair for a few days, but 20 seconds in, he muttered the words, “This has never happened before”. Avoid over-promising. This goes both ways btw. I remember I also promised somebody the ride of their life and just a few seconds later your girl was tired, out of breath, and ready to hang that cowgirl hat. Be as open minded as you can to enjoy the experience. It could either be the best or worst sex of your life and you won’t know until you give it a shot.

3. You’ll probably be catching feelings not flights.

Sex isn’t just a physical act; it can also have profound emotional attachments. The worst part is when y’all have agreed that you’re in the situationship just for the sex and then you find yourself catching feelings for your Friend With Benefits (FWB). Let me tell you something, nobody ever prepares you for all the feelings you will be catching. In the beginning it’s like “whatever, he’s just my sneaky link” but by the time you have been with this man for a hot minute you start to feel all the feelings. To be honest, I don’t know how casual sex works for some of y’all. I am a simp and these streets are not for me. The next thing I know I am saving people’s numbers with heart emojis.

4. It’s not about the size of the instrument, it’s about the skill of the wielder.

For the longest time, I was one of those girlies that talked about how I wanted above 6 inches and all that but I learnt that, in most cases, size has nothing to do with the experience because it’s all about the skill. I remember an encounter with a man that was a bit on the smaller side…to this day I pray for this man before I go to sleep! I wish that man nothing but the best and I think about him often – if you know what I mean. The brother knew what he was doing. He made the most of what he had and I felt it. So, yes, size is not the issue. It’s all about the skill.

5. There’s a lot to learn so keep exploring until you find what works.

Before exploring sex, I read the kamasutra, and eeeh this felt illegal. Y’all, I was in awe and I wondered how some of those styles were humanly possible. I also listened to many of my cousins’ and friends’ stories so I thought that there were only about 4-5 styles to be explored and I was down for that. My friends were obsessed with doggy style, but, when I tried it,  I didn’t like it that much because it lacked the element of intimacy and comfort that came with missionary. To each their own, as they say. Always be open to exploring to find what works for you.

I’ll close off by saying that sexual experiences are unique to each individual and it’s natural to have uncertainties before taking that leap (whether it’s your first time or it’s your first time with a specific person). Reflecting on my own journey, these are the 5 things I wish I had known before having sex. Remember, it’s okay to seek guidance, communicate openly with your partner, prioritize safety, and always ensure that consent is at the forefront. Ultimately, your path to intimacy is a personal one, and the more you know, the more you can empower yourself to make informed choices and embrace the beauty of this intimate connection.

Related Topics: What you need to know about sex? My first sexual encounter, Sex Education