Hi Peach and Flora!

I recently started dating a guy about 2 months ago. Although we started dating recently, we’ve known each other through mutual friends for about 5 to 6 years and we have hung out in the same social circles even though we weren’t necessarily “close” at the time.

 So far, we have had a good time together and he makes me laugh and I have such amazing sex with him. However, last week he called me and asked if I could lend him money to pay his rent and water bills because he’s low on cash. He said that he’s had so many financial responsibilities at his parents’ home because his father is sick and he has to help them out so this has led him to have a strained financial situation.

 I feel bad for him especially because he has paid for all of our dates in the last 2 months even though he was going through a tough time financially. Should I lend him the money?

Esther

Dear Esther,

Thanks for reaching out! I’m sorry to be so blunt, but the answer to your question is: NO, DO NOT GIVE THIS MAN MONEY.

You two have only been dating for a short time (2 months) and that is too soon for a man to be asking you for money. Please keep in mind that how you start a relationship sets the tone for the remainder of the relationship. He should not be comfortable asking you for money this early on.

He told you that he has to take care of his family financially but that shouldn’t be your burden to carry. Maybe he is not ready to be in a committed relationship right now and he should focus on resolving the current issues in his life before getting into a new relationship.

I have seen several situations where women have given their men money, but the men rarely pay them back and even end the relationship soon after because they say that the “relationship is not working out”. Please save yourself the heartbreak and do not “lend” this man any money.

Look at it this way, imagine you two had just started dating two months ago as perfect strangers and he asked you for money. What would you say? You’d probably say no without hesitation, right? This man could be taking advantage of the fact that you two have known each other for a while and run in the same circles so he feels that you would be more likely to give him the money when he asks for it.

I would suggest that you tell him that you’re sorry that he is going through a hard time, but you will not be able to lend him money. It might also be a good idea to put the relationship on pause while he works through his issues.

All the best!

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