When you are young, dating and having fun, it’s cool to have a guy that’s the life of the party. As you grow older, get married, and have children, you expect your man to grow and mature and show some restraint. You both now have more responsibilities when it comes to your home, children, and careers.

By the time most people get to their late twenties/early thirties, they tend to have left their extreme partying days behind them…although some people might stay in the party life mindset far longer than what could be considered normal or healthy. Others even discover partying later in life through new friend circles or just for the fun of it. Regardless of the cause, extensive partying can take a toll on things like work productivity and personal relationships.

People may have different tolerance levels for partying, and that’s fine, but if you have a partying wife or a husband who loves to go out, it’s only natural to feel a little nervous about their behavior and safety.

In many relationships, a little partying from time to time isn’t an issue. Going out for a few drinks with friends or having fun at the occasional party can be fun entertainment when managed in moderation.

How much partying is acceptable in a relationship depends on the couple in question. If both members enjoy partying and want to go out on a more regular basis, that’s one thing. However, if one partner is enthusiastic about going partying and the other wants to live a quieter, more responsible life, it’s not uncommon for issues to arise.

So, is partying bad for relationships? That’s not a question with one definitive answer. The level of tolerance for frequent or infrequent partying varies entirely from one person to another. However, when the urge for partying extends past one partner’s comfort level and partying starts to cause financial or interpersonal strain then it becomes a problem. Drugs and alcohol can absolutely pose a threat to the future of a relationship. If your wife or husband is partying more than what you’re comfortable with, you may want to assess the signs of a problem.

Addressing the Problem with Partying

When the signs and symptoms of a problem first occur, it’s easy to look the other way and assume the situation will rectify itself without your interference. And perhaps it will, but that’s unlikely. If your partner’s partying is putting a strain on your relationship, you’ll likely have to speak up sooner rather than later. Bringing up problems with a spouse that’s a party animal  isn’t going to be easy, but it’s the only way to confront the problem directly.

1. Set some private time and talk

Starting the conversation can be challenging, but the right circumstances can make it easier. Find a quiet time to talk, like while you are both relaxed, such as after dinner or while enjoying a walk over the weekend. When there aren’t any distractions or commitments standing in the way of open communication, your partner will be more willing to engage with you.

2. Show genuine concern about the issue

Express your concerns in an open, honest way without accusations or judgment. Outline the signs you’re seeing, like going out more often or getting drunk more frequently, in an unbiased manner. Don’t attempt to miscategorize the circumstances; your partner will recognize this as a manipulation tactic.

3. Try to understand your partner

As you speak through your concerns, be first and foremost compassionate. Explain that you understand why partying can be compelling and that you’re concerned, not angry. Sympathize with your partner when they talk, and respond calmly and politely, even if you don’t like what they have to say.

4. Suggest some tools or solutions

Pointing fingers isn’t going to accomplish anything. Come prepared with some ideas or solutions that you can use to better frame the situation. Propose things like more date nights versus nights out partying, or even suggest that your spouse sets a limit on the number of drinks they have when they go out. Keep in mind that some partners will not like your suggestions, but those who see troubling patterns in their own behavior may be willing to reluctantly act upon your concerns.

It’s important to note that no matter what you think of your partner’s behavior, they’re their own person. You can’t control, force, manipulate or change someone who doesn’t want to to. She/he is entitled to live their own life, even if their choices are destructive or go against your own preferences. If your partner is unwilling to discuss change, you may need to decide whether staying in the relationship is right for you.

5. Decide when to draw the line

If you’ve tried to discuss your concerns, you’ve offered solutions, provided support and encouraged healthy lifestyle choices but nothing changes, it may be time to walk away. This could be the case if your partner is showing signs of a serious problem (such as a partying, alcohol or drug addiction), as well as if your partner simply likes to party in a manner that makes you feel uncomfortable and they are not willing to make any changes and work on themselves. Only you know how much you can handle so you should make the best decision for you on whether or not to continue in the relationship.

Related Topics: Grown Man Partying Like a Child, My Partner Over Parties, My Husband Won’t Stop Partying