Remember the hit rock song by Kelly Clarkson – Since You Been Gone? Let me drop a few lines from the chorus here: 

“But since you been gone

I can breathe for the first time

I’m so moving on, yeah, yeah

Thanks to you

Now I get what I want

Since you been gone”

This song is just one of many songs that expresses the great relief you may feel after you walk out of a troubled relationship.

You see, many of us get into relationships with our “almost perfect match”. We see issues with our partners from the onset but we often say we’re almost there, we’re almost making it, we’re almost perfectly in love. The reality is that love is not always an equal exchange and so you need to look out for the obvious signals of when to walk away.

There is no concrete line that helps you determine when “enough is enough”. Love is subjective because no one knows your relationship and your feelings like you do. Personally, I was once in a relationship where I was constantly wondering if I should just draw the line and break up with him, but I didn’t because I loved him and I believed in us.

People deserve to feel happy, loved, and secure in their relationships. If not, you need to respect yourself enough to ask for a change, whether that is him reflecting on his actions, or you saying screw it and finding better.

A major challenge we face as women is knowing when to end a relationship. It is usually a struggle to let go, especially when we still love someone. However, you will realize when you leave that you should have detached yourself sooner. Let me share some telltale signs that could help you decide on whether you need to walk away below:

1. If you are losing sight of who you are and your every action throughout the course of the day is based on your partner’s wants, needs and desires. We all know that relationships require sacrifice. Sometimes we will find ourselves giving up things we love or what we want to be for our partner’s sake. This, however, should not mean that you change your entire personality and way of living in order to fit the mold of who your partner wants you to be. It may range from decisions like your partner persuading you to watch a Sci-Fi movie yet you love comedy or a major decision like your partner asking you to move to a state they want to live in and you don’t. You need to know when you have crossed the line from compromising to over sacrificing.
2. Abuse. It doesn’t matter if your partner is physically, verbally, or emotionally abusive. Abuse in any form is abuse. When one partner takes advantage of the other, the relationship ceases to be healthy. If your partner makes you feel bad about yourself most of the time, has a habit of putting you down, and gets angry about every little thing, then you should consider leaving or at least taking a break until you see some real improvement (they might also need anger management counseling).Some issues can be resolved by couples’ counseling but most cases of abuse cannot. If you are dealing with physical or emotional abuse, I am not going to sugarcoat this…LEAVE YOUR PARTNER!
3. Addiction. Any form of addiction will take a toll on the addict and their loved ones. Drugs and alcohol will most notably ruin romantic relationships. An addict will face challenges ranging from their health, job, studies, social life and even responsibilities. You need to help the addict find professional help. Once they do not respond positively to this help then you should probably plan to walk away. This is because you will either be caught up in enabling behavior or your partner will be emotionally unavailable to you. Being in a situation with an addict as a partner could also become mentally and emotionally draining for you. The topic of addiction is tricky because only you can fully determine when you feel that your partner isn’t making any headway in their recovery journey. It could be one, two, or even more years before you feel like you need to throw in the towel and end the relationship. However, sometimes you need to leave people for them to decide to better themselves because a tough lesson that we all learn is that we can never change a person no matter how hard we try. At the end of the day, it is up to your partner to decide whether they want to get sober or not.
4. No signs of growth/responsibility from your partner. Remember the initial dates when you just met your significant other and found it cute to offer to take care of the bills at lunch, coffee, or at the movies? LOL. Well now you find that you are doing all the heavy lifting in the relationship. You find yourself paying all the bills and your partner is not making an effort to be responsible for anything. You start to feel like a parent figure. You even wonder, “Does Thomas think I’m his mom or something?” “Does he really love me or he’s just using me and wants me to take care of him?” Irresponsibility is a total turn off! It will kill all the romance between you two so it’s best to make your boundaries and financial expectations known early on in the relationship and to stick to your standards when he veers from the expectations that you had both agreed on. If he’s just looking for a woman to take care of him while he does whatever the hell he wants, then it’s time to put yourself first, leave that relationship and find what you really deserve.
5. If you are incompatible. If you and your partner want different things and aren’t evolving in a similar direction, it will make it extremely difficult for your relationship to survive – even if you are madly in love with each other. As a couple, your major goals and core values should be aligned. This is why it is important to have serious conversations about finances, religion, children, and any other major topics before fully committing to each other.
6. If your partner does not value you and is using you as a placeholder. It’s sad to say but sometimes people date someone until they find someone better or more attractive. If you are really not a priority to someone, it will show. They will neglect and ignore you regularly while you’ll want a real relationship. If they’re playing games then they are not the right partner for you.
7. When there is little to no intimacy. I think most of us can agree that intimacy – both physical and emotional – plays an important role in a healthy relationship. If a relationship lacks intimacy, it makes it harder for the couple to be connected and can lead to people growing apart or even infidelity in the relationship.
8. Repeated/chronic infidelity. If you know for a fact that your partner is continually unfaithful to you, don’t stick around to keep being disrespected…or worse, to end up infected with STIs. Pack your bags and leave the relationship.

If you feel like you are at that point in your relationship where you are wondering whether you’ve had enough, we hope that the points we listed above will assist you in making your decision. It might also be helpful to see a therapist for further insight into your specific situation. Hopefully after reading this article you may now be able to tick more exit boxes on your checklist and know that you deserve better!