I always thought that I would have a vaginal birth with an epidural because I’m not about the pain in life. It just seemed like a no-brainer to me. I was that person that enjoyed watching birth vlogs on YouTube and any other tv shows that highlighted real birth experiences (shout out to the show ‘One Born Every Minute’).

In recent years, I had seen several of my friends give birth via c-section due to complications or personal preference and I never thought that I could possibly be in the c-section mama category. Again, it just didn’t seem like a possibility for me because it’s just not what I wanted.

When I was 34 weeks pregnant, my OB/GYN told me that I was carrying a large baby and I would probably have to have a c-section. I tried to reason with her (LOL) and asked her if there was anything that could be done to ensure that I could have a vaginal birth with an epidural because that’s what I really wanted. She told me that she didn’t want to give me false hope because there was little to no chance that I would have a vaginal delivery if I wanted to avoid complications for me and the baby.

To say that I felt disappointed would be an understatement. I was crushed…but I still had hope that there might be a tiny chance that I would have a vaginal delivery. So much so that at my next appointment, I asked the doctor if I’d really need to have a c-section and she explained (again) that a large baby could easily get stuck during a virginal delivery which could lead to serious complications with their head and neck.

If I’m being honest, it was difficult to process the information given to me because I was disappointed, but I decided to trust the doctor. Funnily enough, the day I gave birth, my doctor wasn’t there because I gave birth earlier than expected and the obstetrician on duty who delivered my baby told me the EXACT same thing as my doctor – which helped me accept that, since 2 doctors had said the same thing, it was probably the best course of action.

These are a few emotions I experienced when I was told that I would have an unplanned c-section.

1. Shock. The initial shock was hard for me. It had never even crossed my mind that I might deliver my baby via c-section so hearing the doctor say it threw me for a loop.
2. Disappointment. Once the initial shock wore off, all I felt was an immense sense of disappointment. I realized that what I truly wanted (to have a vaginal birth) might not be in the cards for me and that was a tough pill to swallow. I had spent hours upon hours watching vaginal birth vlogs on YouTube throughout my pregnancy to prepare for my labour and now all the things that I had studied and planned for weren’t going to happen the way I thought they would.
3. Disbelief. I got to a point where I started doubting whether it was true or not. This is when I started going on Google and searching for mom and pregnancy chat forums to see if other mothers with large babies were able to deliver naturally or not. I asked different women with children how big their babies were and whether they were able to have vaginal births or not. I even reached a point of asking my doctor whether she was sure I’d have to have a c-section or if there was any hope of me having a vaginal delivery. To my disappointment, her answer remained the same.
4. Acceptance. If I’m being honest, the acceptance stage only came a few hours before I had my c-section. Up until then, I’d had some lingering hope. I only fully came to terms with it when the OR (Operating Room) was booked, and I had my IV in my hand while waiting in a room in the labour ward with a nurse who kept coming in to update me on what to expect. When the anesthesiologist came in and explained what exactly was going to happen and I was given forms to sign, that was a wrap.

Although I initially didn’t want to have a c-section, it turned out to be a good experience for me. I even tell people now that I’m planning for the rest of my babies to be born via c-section as I had a really good experience (and I didn’t have to spend hours in labour)!

A few months after I gave birth, I watched a birth vlog of a woman who had a c-section, and she expressed her frustration over having spent 30 plus hours in labour trying to have a vaginal birth only to be told that she had to deliver the baby via c-section. She said that, with all the advancement of medicine, why hadn’t anyone told her from the beginning that she would need a c-section so that she didn’t waste her time, energy, and go through the pain of trying to have a vaginal birth. Hearing the frustration in her voice made me realize that the doctors I dealt with had done me a favour – even though at that time it hadn’t felt like that. They told me from the get-go that I should have a c-section so I didn’t have to “try” having a vaginal birth and then get frustrated to find out that I’d have to have a c-section in the end.

A few months after that, I was on YouTube again (yes, I spend a lot of time watching YouTube videos) and I watched a video where a woman cried because she had a vaginal birth and gave birth to a large baby who became distressed during labour and ended up dying a few hours later. It was so heartbreaking hearing her describe her experience at the hospital and she talked about how she wished the midwives and doctors had made better decisions during her labour. Again, this made me grateful for the excellent care that I received at my hospital.

To close this off, I will say this: the most important thing is for your baby to be healthy. If having a c-section is the best option for you as recommended by your doctor, don’t feel bad about it. Instead, focus on the beautiful bundle of joy that you are about to receive and be grateful for modern day science that provides us with safe alternatives to giving birth.