Have you ever wondered why some women say they orgasm easily while others think  female orgasms are a myth? Why do some women easily squirt and others think it’s just  pee? Why do some elongate their labia and others pay expensively for labiaplasty? We  asked a sex therapist questions regarding orgasms, squirting and labia elongation.  Here’s what he had to say:

If a woman has only orgasmed by touching their clitoris, is there a way for them  to experience a vaginal orgasm?

Not every woman can experience a vaginal orgasm. Several factors come into play like:

The structure of the woman. Where is the G-spot placed? Some women have  a front positioned G-spot while others have theirs cleft inside. Partners must take  time to discover this and learn what works for the woman to climax.

Movement of the woman. A circular motion around the penis can help the  woman discover where exactly her G-spot is. This can help attain multiple  orgasms vaginally.

Position/sex style. Depending on the woman’s physique i.e, an open exposed  G-spot or cleft the sex style that enables the G-spot to be reached will depend.

Good fingering. This will help to master vaginal makeup. Front positioned G spots get vaginal arousal easily and cleft G-spots prefer clitoral arousal as they  take longer to get orgasms.

Allow sensation to build. The clit is not just the tip but it’s the whole thing.  Massage it in different ways to allow orgasm that will lead to vaginal orgasm.

Creativity. Do fun things with your partner, don’t follow a script. For example if  your partner is overly lubricated, get a drinking straw, insert it into her vagina and  begin to suck out her fluid. The feeling is ecstatic.

Why can some women only orgasm when they masturbate but not during  intercourse with their partners?

Know your body. During masturbation, most women identify the spot of their body  that works the magic. It’s easier for most women to be easily aroused through  masturbation than during intercourse with their partners who might not know how  to go about the most intense spots of their partners. The strength lies in control.  When you masturbate you know what works for you.

Communication. Try to communicate with your partner about your pleasure  points.

Explore. Show your partner where you would want them to explore.

Your vaginal make-up. The structure and layout of the vagina is not the same  for every woman, while some may have their clitoris protruding others may have  theirs quite hidden. Same for the G spot, while some may have theirs at the front  of the vagina, others may be quite hidden/cleft at the top of the vagina.  Depending on this make-up, women may have different arousal points which will  in turn determine the point of arousal for them.

Incorporate some fun ideas into your sexual intercourse. Have sex at the  kitchen counter, in the shower or in the car. Spontaneous sex has a way of  lighting the ignition that may enhance an orgasm.

Vaginal Dryness during Sexual Intercourse. Vaginal dryness can affect the  level of arousal during sexual intercourse which makes it hard for some women  to reach a climax point unlike with masturbation where the woman easily touches  her clitoris and reaches climax.

Give your partner a standing position where you are in control of him. If you  know your body well and you know the tricks that get you to climax well, you may  choose to take charge of the action during sexual intercourse as this will enable  you to guide your partner on what to do to hit the right spots and get you there.

Find someone who completes your desire and need for sexual intercourse.  It’s important to get with people that you are sexually compatible with.

What are the best positions to hit the G-spot?

Scissor Style. In this style the woman lies on her back or side and her partner lies  next to her, he then puts one leg under hers and she puts her leg over his in an  inter-crossing manner. This position allows for clitoral stimulation and access for  different types of penetration which allows the partner the ability to look for the G-spot.

Why do some women squirt while orgasming and others squirt without  orgasming? Are the two actions usually linked?

There is a difference between an orgasm and ejaculation. You can orgasm  without ejaculating as the two aren’t necessarily linked.

Do men like squirters?

Some men do and others don’t. Men are different. Most men like squirters but  don’t like getting their personal beds covered in the love juices but when they  have sex in a different space e.g a hotel or motel they love it. Men love vaginal  wetness.

What are some tips to make a woman squirt?

Squirting is a technique. Often, most women experience the desire to squirt but  fight it thinking they just have to pee. It’s important to make sure the woman is  relaxed and at ease.

How should a woman move when she is on top to optimize pleasure? Back and  forth? Up and down? With circular motions?

Circular motion. Depending on the position of her G-spot she could also try riding  cowgirl or reverse cowgirl to optimize the pleasure.

How should a woman tell a man what she likes and doesn’t like in bed without  hurting his feelings? If she doesn’t enjoy something that he does, how should  she let him know?

The best way is to show the action, show your partner how you want a particular  action done instead of making it verbal. Verbal opinions could break their ego.

Does labia elongation really make a big difference for the pleasure of the woman?  If so, which major difference does it make as there are numerous women who  haven’t elongated their labia but still enjoy sex?

Labia elongation is the voluntary stretching of the labia minora (inner vaginal  lips) to make them longer. It’s a cultural practice that is common in many East  African communities, however, not all women choose to get it done. Some  women do it to increase their sexual pleasure, however, not all women choose to  get it done.

The labia is pulled/elongated to become thick and long…if it’s too thin then it can  easily get cold. Depending on your vaginal pane, the labia also swells when you  are turned on.

The known benefits of labia elongation include:

• Some women find that labia elongation enhances the appearance of the vaginal area. Women who don’t have elongated labia have an open vaginal area as there is nothing covering it. Some women like to have it be  closed off so that when they spread their legs, it’s not just a visible hole.
• Elongated labia is connected to the G-spot, this enhances the way a woman feels and gives her more pleasure.
• When a man decides to go down on his woman, besides sucking the clitoris he can suck the elongated labia and this makes the woman really turned on.
• The elongated labia promotes warmth as they cover the woman’s vaginal opening instead of leaving it open.
• As women age, the labia skin also wrinkles but when you pull the labia it stays less wrinkled.

Are Multiple orgasms real? How do they happen?

Clitoral arousal. Multiple orgasms are reached through clitoral orgasms and not  vaginal orgasms.

Body, mind and soul. To reach multiple orgasms, one has to engage the body,  mind and soul so that the feeling is sensational.

Brain orgasm. Orgasms start in the brain, you must focus and put all your mind  to the feeling of pleasure. It feels like a high voltage current is flowing through  you. Some people moan so loudly, some scream and some even cry.

Build up. The feeling of multiple orgasms is derived from a build up of  sensational feelings that your body has put together and you start to release one  at a time.

Body spasms. Multiple orgasms will feel like muscle spasms at some point.

3D sex. 3D sex refers to pleasuring 3 areas at once – the anus, the clit, and  inside the vagina. (Anus – higher sensitivity with little pinky finger, pointer on clit,  and other finger inside the vagina).

Scissor sex position. Allows the man to play with the clit which stimulates  arousal repeatedly.

Fingering. Relax and let the woman feel your finger and lift the finger, just exert  pressure don’t thump in and out of her.

Pussy whispering. (LOL!) Master the skill of pussy whispering i.e learn to say  things to a woman that will make her get wet. This will increase her arousal.