“Hey Babe, I’m running a bit low on cash this month. Can you please lend me $200 to buy some groceries?”

Has a man that you are dating ever asked you to give him a helping hand financially? This can sometimes be an awkward situation as you look at him and fumble around in your mind for something to say back to him. Should I give him the money? Will he really pay me back? Isn’t he supposed to be a man? Why is he asking me for money?

The truth is that everyone experiences financial hardships every once in a while and could benefit from a helping hand. The other hard truth is that men are wired differently than women are. What you might see as a kind gesture of lending your man money might instead be an embarrassing moment for him that he (and the relationship) might never recover from.

A friend of mine would always adamantly tell us “Never give a man money!” We used to brush it off as no big deal but when I look around at the women that I know that have given their men money, I’ve realized that the men continued to ask for more and more. Once you give a man that you are dating money (keep in mind that we are talking about dating and not marriage), you open your relationship up for potential disappointment and the possibility of being taken advantage of. I know women who helped their boyfriends out when they were in a tough spot, but the boyfriends continued to rely on them for financial support.

Also, in several cases, boyfriends don’t pay back the money that they “borrowed”. For the women who have the courage to ask for their money back, the men tend to make excuses like “Chill Babe, I’m going to pay you back” or “Did you really lend me that money? I thought you had given it to me as my girlfriend.” He will then proceed to become moody and annoyed and then you are backed into a corner where you end up saying “Never mind Babe, it’s not a big deal.” But it IS a big deal because that is your hard-earned money, and you gave it out thinking you would get it back. Soon he will come back and ask for more. One day it’ll be $50 for the phone bill, three weeks later it will be $70 to buy some gas, and after a while, he will start expecting that you will help him out whenever he needs money. Before you know it, you’re helping him pay the rent.

Money can put a huge strain on a relationship. Men tend to become more relaxed when they feel that a woman has everything handled and they might choose to take a step back and let the woman take over. If you two live together, you might find that he stops being keen on rent and other bill payments because he might start expecting you to deal with them.

It is very important to establish financial boundaries early on in a relationship. I would not advise women to give their boyfriends money because, more often than not, it leads to disappointment for the women who lend out the money. Instead, you can look for non-monetary ways to be there for him when he’s going through a hard time. This could include going on a hike with him (or any other form of physical exercise that he might like), cooking him his favourite meal, giving him a massage, or listening to his issues with no judgement.

Related Topics: relationship red flags, toxic relationships, handling finances in a relationship