Dear Peach and Flora,

I have been happily married for 6 years.

However, lately my husband got a new job that requires him to travel a lot. He spends more of his time away from home and I get to see him on weekends. Ever since this routine began, things have changed between us. We do not communicate like before, he doesn’t tell me his future plans anymore, he doesn’t suggest any special outings like he did previously, his phone has a password and he is always texting and calling someone, we haven’t had sex in months. I know he is seeing someone on these trips. How do I go about this?

Olivia

Dear Olivia,

Sorry to hear that you suspect your husband is cheating on you. This can be a trying time for you both mentally and emotionally and, contrary to what people might make you believe, please do not blame yourself and don’t let this experience affect your confidence and your self worth.

The thing about infidelity that many people don’t talk about is that it can literally make the person being cheated on go crazy. The emotional, mental, and physical (i.e. STIs) effects can be devastating. For the sake of your own sanity, I would recommend that you make a plan on how you will confront your husband about his potential side piece.

In an episode of the “Braxton Family Values” reality tv show, Toni Braxton mentioned that her mother (who had been cheated on by their father) had told her never to confront a man about infidelity unless you are ready to do something about it – I.e. do not confront a cheating man unless you are able to follow up your confrontation with some sort of action. I agree with this.

Make a plan. If you confront him and he admits to the infidelity, what will you do? Will you forgive him? Will you give him an ultimatum as to how he needs to behave going forward? Or, what if you confront him and he denies the infidelity? Do you have proof of the infidelity? Are you prepared to take the necessary action if he’s not willing to let his side piece go?

Hope this helps! Remember, only you know how much your heart can handle. You need to love yourself enough to make the best choices for your life and to demand that other people give you the love and respect that you deserve.

All the best,

Related topics: infidelity, is he cheating?, how to deal with a cheating spouse